


Carolina Blues

by Jugglinmonkeys



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-09-13 18:51:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9137008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jugglinmonkeys/pseuds/Jugglinmonkeys
Summary: Mary Beth is moving back home after her family falls apart.  She's got to figure out how to put her life back together, and find out if there's any room for someone new.





	1. Chapter 1

“Mommy? Mommy!” My son called from the backseat, for the 40th time in 2 hours.   
“Yes, sweet boy? You need something?” I asked.   
“I’m so thirsty. Can we stop and get a pop?”  
“Well”, I said, “Your juice should be right next to you. In your carseat. And you better get used to calling it ‘Coke’, where we’re going.” 

“Awwww!”

I didn’t have to look in my mirror to know the face he was making, it’s the one with his arms crossed and his bottom lip poked out. “Sweetie,” I tried, “We’ve only got about 30 minutes until we get to our new house. You can hold on till then, I know you can.”

We’d been driving down the interstate for 8 hours, and bless him, he was grumpy. I was grumpy. And he knew he’s not allowed to have soda. To head off the whining I knew was coming, I said, “This has been a really hard trip for you. Want me to call Gigi and ask if she can have some popsicles waiting for us when we get there?” I smirked as he started to kick his legs, excited. The kid loves popsicles. Eli hears my mom’s voice on the car stereo when I call her and said, “Gigi! Popsicles, please!” I laughed and asked if she would mind picking some up for us. 

“No problem,” she said, “Anything for my sweet baby. How close are you two?”

“Um, I’m passing through Asheville, so maybe 20 minutes from the house? Are you guys there?”

“Almost. We’ll see you both in a bit!”

I pressed the button on the steering wheel to end the call and gripped the wheel tightly. Back home. Who’d have thought I’d end up back in North Carolina? Of course, I’d missed home fiercely for the past 7 years. I didn’t want to move in the first place, but Blake had a job and family near Indianapolis after I graduated college. It had made the most sense. Then we settled down, bought a house, had a kid… I thought I’d be there forever. “Stop it. That way lies madness,” I told myself sternly. 

“Stop what, mommy?” chimed in a small voice from behind me. I met his brown eyes in the rearview mirror and gave him a small smile. 

“Sorry, definitely just talking to myself there.” 

The high of being back in familiar territory made the last few miles fly by. We were pulling up to our new home before I knew it, and Eli had already seen his grandparents. “That’s Gigi’s car! Gigi!” I knew my mom could see him waving, because she was already wearing that silly grandma grin and running to the car. Her short brown hair was a little grayer on the temples than the last time I saw her, but her brown eyes were as warm as ever. She took care of getting him out of the car seat, and I was immediately swept into a hug. 

“I’m so glad you’re back home,” my dad murmured into the top of my head. “Your mom and I will feel so much better about you living close by. And the house is wonderful.”

I pulled out of his arms to look at our new home. I had always wanted a front porch, and this one went from one side of the house to the other. The blue double barn doors looked as though they’d gotten a fresh coat of paint, and someone had even hung up some ferns. I suspected my mother. It was probably a little bigger than Eli and I needed, but I’d loved it as soon as I saw it online 4 months ago. “Thanks, dad. After seeing it again, I don’t know if I’ve got enough furniture to fill this place up.” 

Dad chuckled and said, “oh, I’m sure your mother could be convinced to hit some auctions with you. If you ask nicely.” 

I turned to look for my brother and noticed that Eli’s mouth was already red from his popsicle. That kid doesn’t waste any time. “Well, y’all, let’s go inside. I’m beat”, I said, grabbing my suitcase and our bag of road trip snacks to take inside. 

“Anything else need to go in, Mer?”, my brother asked, coming from the other side of my mom’s car. 

“Um, maybe grab Eli’s toys from the backseat? Thanks, Paul.”

My mom linked arms with me as we walk up the steps and murmured, “I know this isn’t how you wanted to come back. But we are here for you, you know. For anything you need.” I knew my answering smile was tired, and didn’t quite reach my eyes. 

“I know, mom. I just… I just miss him sometimes, is all. He would’ve liked this house. Eli seems to be doing a lot better, but yesterday while I was packing up the last of our stuff, he told me he was sad about moving because he didn’t want to leave ‘daddy’s house’. I keep thinking the worst is over, that it won’t hit me like a punch to the gut again, but it does.” She didn’t say anything, just squeezed my arm. I took a deep breath before walking in the front door. It’s a new life, a new start. Blake would want that.


	2. Chapter 2

“Mom, these fans have a funeral home logo on them. I never realized how homesick I was until this exact moment,” I said, brandishing my cardboard fan at her. She tore her eyes away from the busy auction – a bidding war had broken out over some hideous antique dining room buffet – and smirked at me. 

“Really, Mary Beth? It took funeral fans for you to figure that out?” 

I grinned back at her. “Yeah. It wasn’t the sweet tea or peaches. It’s the never ending devotion to comfort.” 

My mom shrugged, saying, “Hey, funerals happen in July too. They don’t want people passing out during a service.” 

I raised my eyebrow at her. “Really? You’d think they’d like the extra business. Heat stroke during the funerals could really pad the budget.” 

She elbowed me in the side as we heard the auctioneer’s gavel. “Stop being morbid. That buffet just went for twenty five hundred dollars. Shame, it would’ve looked amazing next to your grandmother’s china cabinet”. I rolled my eyes at her. My dad would have a stroke if she brought home another piece of furniture from one of these auctions. 

“You know cheap stuff from Ikea is more my speed, right mom?” I asked, waiting for the next item to be brought out. She didn’t respond. My mom has always loved heirloom stuff. 

“Oooh,” she breathed, “take a look at that desk!” I saw one of the staff push out an (admittedly beautiful) old fashioned roll top desk. “You should bid on it,” she told me seriously. 

“Mom. It’s gorgeous, really, but what on earth would I do with that?” 

“Pay your bills!” she declared, “Just imagine how fancy you’d feel. Paying your student loans from a desk like that.” 

“Ha,” I said, thinking that bringing up my student loans was the worst possible way to get me to bid on antique furniture. “Besides, I pay all my bills on the computer, mom, way easier.”

“Ugh. I should’ve brought your brother. He loves this kind of thing,” my mom sighed, grinning at my protests. “You, on the other hand, are entirely too practical”. 

I snorted, thinking that my moving company would not have agreed with her. Those guys nearly ran off when they saw my book collection, and I know I saw one guy’s eye twitch when he saw Blake’s old pool table. My thoughts were drifting, remembering our late night games of pool and the way Blake never got tired of standing too close behind me to help me line up a shot, when the gavel jolted me back to the present. “Sold, to number 42, for $1250!” the auctioneer shouted. I looked over to my right to see who wanted the desk so badly. Number 42 was a guy in his early 30s, with dark brown hair, wearing what looked like a company polo. “Didn’t he buy that dining room set earlier, too?” I asked my mom. 

“Yes,” she answered, looking over at him. “He’s got good taste. I really liked that dining set.”

“Well, you like everything that goes for more than 500 dollars. You have expensive taste, mom.” I turned my attention back to the front to see the staff wheel out a pair of navy blue wingback chairs. I’d always loved wingback chairs, they reminded me of curling up with a good book by the fire. Blake had never wanted chairs in the living room because he liked to be touching me at all times – even if it was just our legs twined together on the couch. “Fresh start,” I reminded myself, and raised my card. 

Two hours later found my mother and I lugging two chairs, two end tables, a floor lamp, and a beautiful wrought-iron framed mirror to my dad's truck. She'd had the foresight to hitch up the trailer, which was lucky for us since those chairs would not fit in the truck bed. She chatted happily about my house and the furniture I still needed while I went looking for the bungee cords and straps. 

"See, Mary Beth, you just had to open your mind --"  
"You mean wallet," I muttered with a smirk.  
"-- to the possibilities. It's a shame about that buffet, though. It would've looked so good in your dining room..."

I tuned her out while I started to strap down the furniture. I left the lamp for last, because I was worried about it breaking on the way home and wanted to think about the best way to load it. I must've been staring at it, because I was startled by a voice over my right shoulder: "What'd that lamp ever do to you, to have you staring daggers at it?" I jumped and turned to see who'd spoken. An older gentleman, with sun-dark skin and silver hair, stood behind me and glared at the lamp. "I'll take care of it for you, ma'am, if you'd just tell me what it did". 

"Well," I replied with a smile, "It's just so inconsiderate of it to be made of glass. I thought if I stared at it long enough, it might turn into plastic or metal and I could stop worrying about it breaking on the way home."

"Ah. Don't worry about it, darlin', my son will share some of our bubble wrap. Jason!" he shouted, turning towards the black truck behind him. "This lady needs some bubble wrap!"

"That really would be a big help," I began, intending to ask if he had some to spare. I didn't finish, though, because walking around the back of the black truck was the man who'd bought the buffet. He was carrying two of the chairs from his dining room set, one in each hand, and I'd be lying if I said that I didn't notice the way his arms stretched his shirt sleeves. I quickly averted my eyes and looked back at his father. I could feel my mom's eyes on me, and I didn't want to look at her, either. 

"Uh, yeah, just a sec," bicep-man said. He grabbed a roll of bubble wrap out of the cab of the truck and handed it to his father, who wrapped it up for me. 

“Thank you so much! Would you like help loading your chairs?” I asked him. He looked over to the truck, where bicep-man was strapping down their furniture. 

“No ma’am, looks like he’s all done. You ladies have a good night!” He waved at my mom and walked back to his son. I made sure to keep my eyes away from the rippling muscles that were tightening straps in the back of the truck, ignored my mother’s smirk, and headed home.


	3. Chapter 3

I was so tired of unpacking. I was nearly done, but of course, I had saved the worst boxes for last. The Blake boxes. When Eli and I were preparing to leave Indiana, Blake’s mother helped go through his things. Now there was no buffer, no eyes watching me to force me to be strong. Even Eli was at my parent’s for the afternoon - the entire reason I was trying to finish unpacking in the first place. I also knew I couldn’t keep putting it off, because then I’d never do it, and it was important to me that Eli was surrounded by memories of his dad. I took a deep breath. “Do it fast, Mary Beth. Like a band aid. Like a … gut wrenching, awful band aid of misery.” I shook my head at myself, half amused at my efforts to procrastinate, and pulled over the first box. 

This box was full of fishing equipment. “That’s easy,” I said to myself, “That just goes in the garage. One down.” The next box was only a little worse; it held some of his books, his hair clippers that I’d convinced myself might come in handy one day, his yearbooks, and some of his college memorabilia. After it was put away, there were only two boxes left. “Halfway done. You got this.” I opened the third box to find a half used bottle of cologne, his wallet, and our wedding scrapbook staring up at me. My vision went blurry as I tried to hold myself together. I must’ve been feeling masochistic when I packed this box. I lifted out his favorite coffee cup, the one that said “DARTH DAD”, and narrowed my eyes at Darth Vader’s threatening glare. Every morning, Blake would pour himself a cup of coffee, say, “Join me, and together we will rule the galaxy,” and wiggle his eyebrows in his best early-morning-come-hither expression. I’d always respond with “No! I’ll never join you!” and dodge his grabby hands while I made my tea. Eli had loved his Vader impression. This cup could not go in the kitchen; I’d be a mess every morning. Maybe Eli would want it as a pencil holder. 

I decided the best thing to do would probably be to designate a shelf on Eli’s bookcase for Blake’s things, that way he’d have access to them whenever he wanted. The cup went there, along with Blake’s cologne, some framed photos of us as a family, and his dad’s Indianapolis Colts football. I reached for the last items in the box and pulled out a dusty shoebox and an old brown teddy bear. 

“Oh, I am so glad that’s over,” Blake said, putting his hand on my knee in the back of the limo. “I mean, I am glad to have married you of course, but next time, let’s not invite so many people.”

“Next time we get married, I’m going to change lots of things,” I replied, scooting closer to him. 

“But not the groom?” He asked, looking at my sideways. 

“Nah. Not him. I think I’ll keep him around a bit”. I wrapped my arms around his chest and rested my head on his shoulder. “Mmmm, you’re comfy.”

Blake laughed. “Comfy. That’s exactly the word I want my brand new wife to use to describe me.”

I looked up at him. “Say it again.”

Blake raised an eyebrow. “Comfy?”

I nudged him with my head. “No. The other thing.” I watched Blake’s eyes soften. 

“Wife. My brand new wife.”

 

I shook my head quickly, like the memories were cobwebs I could cast off, if only I shook my brain hard enough. Blake had given my that bear on our wedding day, saying that even though I was moving away from my family, he’d make sure there was always an abundance of love in my life. 

“I know we’re about to move far away, and that you’ll be there without your family. And I know I won’t always be enough, though my arms will always be open for you. This is for those times. It was your mom’s -”

I’d kissed him then, not needing to hear the rest of his explanation. Caroline, as I’d named the bear, was no longer a talisman for a homesick young woman, but was a reminder of the great love of a great man. I ran my fingers over the bear’s worn fur, remembering long nights when I couldn’t sleep without the sound of crickets and tree frogs outside our city apartment. Remembering warm arms holding me close, and soft lips chasing my cares away. 

Thank heaven my phone chose that moment to beep. I glanced down to see a text from my brother Paul. “MB! You still need that water heater looked at?” 

I groaned. Truth be told, I was glad for the distraction. My thoughts had already spent too long in dangerous territory. “Real life waits for no one, I suppose.” I put the bear and the shoebox full of souvenirs of our relationship on the top of my closet. I tried the hot water again, hoping for a temperature change, and was disappointed with only tepid water. I sent Paul a reply begging for him to hurry up and FIX IT before turning back to the last box. It was the box Blake’s mom and I had packed full of things that Eli might want when he’s older, like Blake’s baseball jersey, newspaper clippings from his games, and other souvenirs Blake had prized. “This is a problem for older Mary Beth,” I muttered, and put the last box on the top shelf of Eli’s closet. Done.


	4. Chapter 4

About an hour later I heard Paul come through the front door.  “Were you raised in a barn?  We knock in civilized society, Paul,” I called from the kitchen.  He’d always been terrible at that.  

 

“Good thing I’m just at your house, then.  No civilization in sight.  Now be nice to me or we won’t fix your water heater,” Paul shot back.  

 

I was sitting at the dining room table, with a mug full of my favorite vanilla-peppermint tea and my latest literary obsession, when he appeared in the doorway with his toolbag.  His brown hair, so much like my mother’s, was long enough that he’d started tying it back.  He and I both inherited my father’s grey eyes, but his were surrounded by my mother’s darker coloring rather than my own pale skin and hair.   

 

Now that I lived close by, I planned to take full advantage of my brother’s home-renovation experience.  There is nothing more convenient than having a handyman for a brother.  Except maybe having a brother who is also a mechanic.  Ooh, and a lawyer. He’d have to be either a genius or much, much, older than me.  Probably both.  

 

“Mary Beth!  Yoo-hoo!”  

 

Paul was waving his hand in front of my eyes.  I glared at him.  “Stop that.  I was trying to figure out how to make you an expert in law, auto mechanics, and medicine, so that I never have to pay anyone for anything ever again.  I almost had it figured out.”

 

Paul rolled his eyes at me.  “I’m not doing this for free, you know.  I expect dinner.  And I need you to come over later to hook up my new surround sound.”

 

“Dinner, I expected.  But your surround sound?” I groaned dramatically.  “Alright.  I set up computers for a living, I’m pretty good at putting cords and things in the right holes…” Paul’s eyebrow shot up and he opened his mouth to say something cheeky.  “ -- NEVER MIND.” I hid my face behind my book.  “Now that I’m all embarrassed, please feel free to check out the water heater whenever you like.  Your casserole is in the oven.”

 

I heard Paul chuckle as he walked back into the living room, and then his voice as he spoke to someone else.  Hm.  I’d forgotten about the “we” he’d mentioned.  “Let me know if ya’ll need anything,” I called out.  

 

“Jace says he needs help with his surround sound, too!” Paul called back, with another chuckle. 

 

“Nope.  I try to limit myself to one awkwardly phrased statement per day, thanks.  Try again tomorrow.”  I fixed two glasses of tea and headed to the laundry room to drop them off.   I walked in and set the two glasses on top of my washing machine.  “Here’s some drinks, if you get thirsty.”  I turned towards the water heater, where Paul and… Jace? were discussing what they were going to do.  Paul glanced over towards me.  

 

“Thanks, Mer.  Be careful with that tea, Jace.  She just moved here from spending time up north, and she’s forgotten the right way to make sweet tea.”

 

Paul’s friend looked over at me, and I was startled to recognize bicep man from the auction last week.  “Oh, hey,” I stammered.  “You’re the guy who gave me the bubble wrap at the auction, right?  Thanks again, looks like I owe you twice.”

 

His eyes widened.  “Yes!  Er, not to owing me twice.  But I knew you looked familiar.  How’d your lamps make it?”

 

I self-consciously crossed my arms. I was dressed for a day of piddling around the house, unpacking and relaxing.  My yoga pants definitely had a bleach stain on the hip, and I was sure there was a giant hole in the armpit of my old college t-shirt.  Not clothes I wanted to wear in front of bicep-man -- Uh, Jace.  

 

“They made it fine, thanks!  They’re perfect for reading in the living room.  How about your furniture?  My mom’s still waxing poetic about that roll-top desk.”  I leaned against the washing machine, trying my best to hide the bleach stain.  I was mentally kicking myself for continuing the conversation, because there was nothing I wanted more than to run upstairs and away from those whiskey brown eyes.  

 

“Oh, that stuff wasn’t for me.  It was for a client,” Jace said.  “She seemed pretty excited about it, though, and I think it was the perfect finishing touch for that job.”

 

My brother Paul was standing straight now, glancing between the two of us with narrowed eyes.  I gestured towards him with my head.  “I suppose that’s how you know Paul, then?  Work?”

 

Paul looked slightly sheepish, then.  “Oh, yeah.  Jace is one of the team leads at the renovation company.  I’ve been working with him for the past couple years.” He looked over at Jace, gestured towards me, and said, “Jace, this is my sister Mary Beth.”  Paul looked back at me.  “Sorry, I didn’t think about the fact that I was bringing over someone you don’t know without any warning.  But it worked out! You kind of did know each other!”

 

I rolled my eyes. Paul had always tended towards, “act first, think later,” and I saw that my time away had done nothing to change that.  “No worries, Paul.  I trust you.  That may be a poor life choice on my part, but there you have it.” I looked back at Jace.  “Well, welcome to my lovely laundry room, and thank you for helping with my water heater.  I am really looking forward to being able to wash dishes without boiling water first.” I narrowed my eyes at Paul.  “Enjoy the tea, it’s  _ perfectly sweetened.”  _

 

As I walked back to the kitchen, I heard Paul sputter.  “Ugh.  Barely sweet at all,” I heard him mutter.  “I’m sorry, Jace.  Hopefully she’ll get back on track now that she lives down here again.”  Jace’s laugh was the last thing I heard as I turned the corner and returned to my tea.


	5. Chapter 5

Try as I might, I could not get back into my book. Seeing Bicep-man again had thrown me off, and having an actual conversation with him had left my stomach in knots. I felt betrayed by my own body. Had it been long enough for my belly to start erupting in butterflies at the sight of a pretty man? “A very pretty man,” I muttered into my cup. Biceps aside, if I was struggling with feeling strong enough to unpack the Blake boxes earlier, I was sure I had no business thinking about somebody else. Not to mention Eli. After all, what man would want to step into those shoes? It had been a little over a year, but Eli still talked about his dad on a regular basis and Blake was still a very real presence in our lives. I snorted. “Yep. Sounds about right, MB. Meet someone, immediately start worrying about whether he will fit into your life in the far distant future. Nevermind what he wants, or if he’s even single.” 

Probably not single. Suddenly, my head was filled with images of tiny, perfect women. “I bet he likes brunettes.” Tiny, perfect, brunette women. Women who could pull off heels with skinny jeans and made messy buns look like a sophisticated updo. And have cute dogs. I couldn’t help but think of an old friend from school who fit that description, Brenda. She’d had a pet parrot, though, not a dog. I was deep inside my own head, imagining Jace walking around town with a parrot perched on his shoulder and a pirate hat, when Paul snapped his fingers in front of my face. 

“Mary Beth! Hello!” He shouted. I blinked at him, jarred out of my daydream. “I have been talking to you for ages. We’re going to need a part for your water heater, Jace went to get it. He should be back in about twenty minutes.” Paul sat down next to me at the table. “Care to tell me what was going on with you two in there?” Paul gestured towards the laundry room with his head. 

I rolled my eyes. “Nothing, obviously,” I said. “I gave him tea. Does that have a secondary meaning I don’t know about?” 

Paul smirked at me. “He asked me about you after you left.” I raised my eyebrow at him. “You know, about what you do for a living, where you work, whether you’re single…” Now I raised both eyebrows at him. “... And what made you move back.”

“Yeah?” I responded. “Did you tell him?” Paul nodded. “Probably for the best. I’m a hot mess right now.”

Paul cocked his head at me. “What do you mean, that’s for the best?”

“You warning him off was for the best, I mean,” I answered. I took a deep breath, then laid my forehead down on the table. “Between Blake and Eli, no sane guy would come near me with a 20 foot pole. And … I can’t tell if I feel relieved about that or incredibly sad. Like I said, hot mess.”

Paul laughed. “Well, all that aside, I was not ‘warning him off.’ And having a kid does not make you undateable, MB. Especially one as cute as my nephew.” Paul’s face turned serious. “But really, when I told him about Blake, he just asked how you were doing. And I suppose he seemed kind of surprised that you just now moved back down, he was a little taken aback when I told him it’d been a little over a year.”

I grimaced. “Yeah, that decision has a truck load of baggage all it’s own.”

Paul got up to rummage through my fridge. He grabbed one of Eli’s juices and a string cheese, then sat back down at the table. “You don’t talk about that stuff much. You can, you know. I just don’t want you to feel like it would be an inconvenience, or like we don’t care enough about you to listen.”

I sighed. Not out of anger or anything, but because he was right and I knew it. My best friend had been Blake for nearly a decade, and I was long out of the habit of processing things with anyone else. Moving away from everyone I knew had made it harder to hold on to old friendships, and I never wanted to spend precious catch-up time with them hashing though my problem-of-the-day. Paul and I had always been close, though, and as goofy as he could be, I knew he’d listen. “You know, when I got the call about the accident, moving back down here was literally the 3rd thought I had. First was, ‘what am I going to do if he’s not okay,’ second was, ‘what would I tell Eli,’ and third was, ‘I guess I could move back home.’ And then I just felt so guilty. Here I was, racing to leave and get to the hospital to see my husband, and I was thinking about leaving everything we’d built together to move back to North Carolina.” I glanced at Paul. He was watching me, with only a hint of concern on his face. I kept going. “After he died, I felt guilty for wanting to leave, and guilty for staying. I felt selfish because I didn’t want to be surrounded by the life we planned to have together and couldn’t, and it seemed like leaving was an effort to erase him or something. At the same time, I wanted to stay, because being surrounded by all that stuff was… grounding, I guess. It reminded me that it happened, and that it was wonderful, and that Eli was part of a family that loved him so much.”

Paul got up again to throw away his wrapper. “That all sounds like a lot of reasons to stay. But here you are. What changed?”

“Time, I guess. Life goes on, you know? That’s the worst of it. Everything is completely different, hopes and dreams are shattered, but you still have to get up the next morning and go to work. Eli still had to go to school. I still had to pay bills, buy groceries, and make dinner. Halloween came, and Eli wanted to go trick or treating. I looked up one day, and it had been 6 months. Blake’s presence in the house started to feel less comforting and more… haunting? That’s a terrible thing to say.” I shook my head in frustration. “I just mean that everything was moving forward on the outside, and we were stuck in this weird half-life. Everything outside our house was still in color, but inside, we were living shades of gray. Does that make sense?” I looked at Paul again, who was thoughtful enough to lie and nod, and looked back at my empty cup of tea. “It took me another month or two to realize that Blake would be the first one to tell me to leave, and that we could keep him part of our lives without staying stuck in our grief.” 

I got up to put my mug in the sink. “All that was left was going through everything we owned, finding a job down here, finding a house, and driving 500 miles. Easy peasy.” 

Paul came up behind me and put his hand on my shoulder. “And this place?” He asked. “Is it full color?”

He surprised a laugh out of me. “Yeah. Full color.” 

A car door closed in the driveway. “That’ll be Jace,” Paul said. “I’m going to go help grab the parts, and we’ll get your water heater finished.”

I leaned against the counter, my arms crossed, and blinked through suddenly blurry eyes. “Hey, Paul.” Paul turned around in the kitchen doorway and raised his eyebrow at me. “Thanks.” 

He smirked at me and walked out of the room. “That’s two casseroles you owe me now, Mer,” he called over his shoulder. I scowled and headed to my room to get sneakers. Eli would be waiting for me. 

_________________________________________________

After picking up Eli from my mother’s house, we made a quick stop at the store before going home. Eli suggested celebratory bubble baths in honor of our soon-to-be-repaired hot water heater, and I had never heard a better idea in my life. He picked out some spider man bubbles, and since I didn’t really relish the thought of smelling like “Amazing Apple-Berry Blitz,” I chose some lavender bubbles from the aromatherapy section. I needed all the calm I could get. 

When we pulled up to the house, Jace’s truck was still in the driveway. “Oh look, Eli, Uncle Paul’s still here!” 

“Hooray! I want to show him my new truck. It’s blue, like his, and has lights on top like his, too,” Eli said excitedly. “Do you think he will stay for supper?”

I snorted. “Probably. He’s demanded two casseroles for helping us out today. Two! Your uncle always wants to be fed,” I said. “Speaking of supper, anything in particular you want?” I don’t know why I asked, I knew what the answer would be. He’d been asking all weekend. 

“Taco Pie!!” Eli answered, pumping his arms up and down while he walked in the house. I grinned, glad that I had made sure there was thawed beef in the fridge. I walked back into the kitchen to start supper, and told Eli that his uncle and his uncle’s friend Jace were probably in the laundry room. Eli’s footsteps raced down the hallway, and I heard him yelling for my brother. “Uncle Paul! My truck looks just like yours! You have to see!”

I prepped Paul’s chicken spaghetti for him to take home and put the taco pie in the oven. I was trying to make sure Eli ate his vegetables, so I made a green salad to go on the side. As long as I had ranch dressing and shredded cheese, I could count on Eli to eat a salad. With about 15 minutes left until dinner was ready, I figured I’d better go check on him and make sure he wasn't making life too difficult for Paul and Jace. 

I walked into the laundry room to find Eli sitting on the washing machine, holding his truck, watching Paul and Jace raptly. They were… well, I don’t know what they were doing, but it looked like they were almost done. Paul looked over at me. “Sorry, MB. I didn’t expect to be here this long, but we’ve got maybe five more minutes till we’re through.”

Jace stood up and wiped his hands on his pants. “Less. I’m gonna go turn the water back on, and we’ll make sure everything’s tightened up right,” he said.

“I really appreciate it, you guys. Eli was so excited about a hot bath tonight that we stopped on the way home and got bubble bath stuff. Um. I have taco pie in the oven. It’s not anything special, but it’s Eli’s favorite, and you’re welcome to stay if you like.” I made sure to keep my eyes on Paul while I said this, because I knew if I glanced at Jace not only would I start stammering and blushing, but Paul would give me all kinds of grief about it. There’s no way he’d say yes, anyways, as I was sure he had a brunette girlfriend to get home to. So of course I nearly fell down when I heard Jace’s deep voice say, “Taco Pie? My mom used to make that all the time. I know Paul’s staying, because he’s been talking about it all day, but I’d love to stay too if you’re offering.” 

I nodded and smiled at him before turning to head back to the kitchen. I needed to make more salad. I didn’t miss Paul’s glance dart between us again, and I sighed inwardly. Paul could be so ridiculous. There was no way bicep-man was interested in anything my life had to offer.


	6. Chapter 6

Dinner was, hands-down, the most awkward experience of my life. Between Paul’s eyebrow-wiggling and Eli’s poor understanding of appropriate dinner conversation, I desperately needed the floor underneath me to open up and swallow me whole. Paul was gracious enough - when I could distract him from making pointed comments about my finer qualities - to help me turn the conversation when Eli insisted on discussing the way he could make his best friend snort milk out of his nose. My relief was short-lived, though, because immediately afterwards Paul began to list my extracurricular activities in college, like this was The World’s Most Ridiculous Job Interview. 

I sighed. “Enough about that, that was years ago. I need you guys to tell me what’s changed in town,” I said. “What’s there to do? Anyplace Eli and I should check out?”

Jace furrowed his eyebrows and considered. “How long’s it been since you stayed out this way? 6 years or so? I think that science museum wasn’t open yet over in Asheville, I’ve heard good things about it.” He shrugged. “Otherwise, locally, there’s not really a lot going on.”

Paul shook his fork at Jace. “That’s not entirely true, your brother’s restaurant has live music every friday and saturday. It’s a pretty happening place,” he said.

Jace raised his eyebrow at Paul. “Yeah? You think Jeremy’s bar is a good place for your sister to take her 5 year old?” He asked, shaking his head. He looked back at me. “It’s good food, and a good time, but I didn’t figure that’s the kind of thing you were asking about.” 

Eli piped up. “We can go if you want, momma. Grandpa Bill says i’m the man of the house now, so I could go with you. Daddy would’ve gone with you, so I can, too.” 

I narrowed my eyes at Paul. This was his fault, and I don’t know why he’s trying so hard to make something happen between Jace and I. I turned back to Eli, and said, “Thanks, sweetie. Bars are not really my thing, though, and I would much rather stay home and watch movies with you.”

Eli wasn’t done, though. “But I heard her talking, and Grandma Jean says you don’t go out enough. She says you’re hiding away in the house. I told her you weren’t scared of anything, though,” he said, blithely unaware of the looks Jace and Paul were exchanging, and of my own crimson cheeks. He continued, after taking another bite , “I told her you were the bravest person ever, ‘sides daddy, and you always check my room if I get scared at night.” 

I sighed and covered my face with my hands. “Thanks, hon,” I said behind my palms. I’d have to thank Blake’s mom for that later. I heard a throat clear, and I lowered my hands to look around the table. Jace and Paul were having a silent conversation with their eyebrows, and Eli was obliviously chugging his milk. Everyone seemed done eating, so I gathered my composure and the plates, and took both of them with me to the sink. I interrupted Paul and Jace, and said, “Thanks again for fixing that water heater, guys, I am excited to be able to put this wonderful dishwasher to use.”

I turned around to see the flash of Eli’s shirt running towards the living room. Jace and Paul helped me finish clearing the table, which I was grateful for, but I was ready to be alone so I could nurse my mortification in peace. I was pretty sure Paul sensed my mood, because immediately after getting all the dishes in the sink, he turned to me and said, “I guess it's time for us to get out of your hair. I’ll see you at mom’s on Sunday?”

I smiled, though it felt strained. “We’ll be there.” I handed Paul his casserole, thanked them again, and walked them to the front door. Jace complimented me on my “nice home and good cooking,” nodded his head at me, and the two of them drove away. I stood there for a while afterwards, my back pressed against the front door, tears running down my cheeks.


	7. Chapter 7

Sunday supper with my parents was a casual affair, but my mother took it very seriously. She was an only child and her own parents died when my brother and I were babies, so it was important to her that her family spent time together. After I moved away, the tradition had changed somewhat to weekly skype sessions, which Eli had always looked forward to with the exuberance of a much-loved only grandchild. Now that we were back in town, my mother was thrilled to have her house full again each weekend. 

I pulled up to my parents’ house and watched Eli tear up the stairs as soon as he was clear of his seatbelt. He wrenched the screen door open and ran in, yelling for Gigi and Pops at the top of his lungs. I followed more slowly, taking in the sights of my childhood home. So much was the same - the black shutters on the windows, the hostas in the garden, and my dad’s birdfeeders hanging heavy with seeds. At the same time, though, so much was different. The windows of my old room no longer sported decals for my high school softball team, and the porch was was free of mine and Paul’s sneakers. The juxtaposition was jarring. What was the saying? You can’t go home again? It was true; things would never be like the were back then again. 

I pushed open the front door, which had closed behind Eli’s rushed entry, and breathed in the aroma of my mother’s cooking. She’d made a pot roast, and if I wasn’t mistaken, a pan of biscuits. I followed the sound of Eli’s and my father’s voices to the dining room, where Eli was begging my dad to do one of his magic tricks. My dad was about to comply - I saw the start of his disappearing finger trick - when my mother walked in with a huge platter of food. 

“Mary Beth!”, she exclaimed, “You’re here! Grab the biscuits from the counter, would you?” I smiled. Yeah, so many things were different now, but some things never change. 

__________________________________________

 

When I finally arrived back at home, I headed to the kitchen to make about 50 cups of tea. I was sure I’d never feel calm again, but 400 ounces of chamomile could go a long way towards helping me get there, or at least make me feel like it was possible. Dinner had been a disaster. I loved my family, I truly did, but … Paul. 

I was going to kill him. I had a shovel and a big backyard. No one would miss him.

He’d spent all of dinner making pointed comments about Jace. First he told my mother all about fixing my water heater, and made sure to mention how “interested” Jace seemed in getting to know me. Then he regaled her with tales of my magical taco pie, which apparently had Jace “gushing” about my hospitality the whole way home. I kept kicking him under the table, but Paul either had shins of steel or he thought my humiliation was worth the pain. 

My mother, of course, found the conversation fascinating. She kept pressing Paul for more information about Jace, and he was of course more than happy to oblige. He told her all about Jace’s brother Jeremy, Jace’s parents, and Jace’s favorite foods. When Paul mentioned that Jace had apparently met me already, at the auction, she shot me a look that somehow combined concern, excitement, and smugness all at once. I assume, based on Paul’s later comment on Jace’s usual Sunday schedule, he was angling for a Sunday Supper invite. I spent most of the meal casting desperate glances at my father, who seemed to find the situation alternately horrifying and hysterical. 

Back at home, Eli sat down at the table to work on his newest airplane model, a gift from my dad. He’d been thoughtful and laid down some newspaper so he wouldn’t make a mess on the table. I’d raided my tea stash for some chamomile, and was trying to get back into my book, but wasn’t having much success. I hated Sunday nights. Something about knowing that the weekend was over and I only had a few hours before I had to get back into work gear made me anxious. I was a system administrator for a marketing firm in Asheville, and I liked to think I was pretty good at it, but it was not exactly exciting. On top of that, it was only my fourth week, and I still felt like the awkward “new girl”. 

I must have been sighing a lot, because Eli looked up from his airplane and said, “Mom? You’re making a lot of noises. Are you okay?

I laughed. “Yeah. I know. There’s a lot going on in my head, and it’s coming out in sighs, isn’t it?”

Eli nodded. “I know you were mad at Gigi and Papa’s house. I told Uncle Paul that if you were looking at me like you were looking at him, I’d have been sent to my room for the rest of my life.” 

I raised my eyebrow at Eli. “Think I could get away with it? Sending your Uncle to his room for the rest of his life? It would certainly make my life easier.”

Eli looked thoughtful for a moment. “Maybe. I think he would go, if you promised to feed him. And gave him his Xbox.” 

I nodded decisively. “Good deal. Next Sunday, before we go to Gigi and Papa’s house, we send Paul to his room. With his video games and a casserole. Now we’ve got a plan!” I grinned at Eli, Eli grinned back, and he went back to work on his airplane. 

The next morning, I waved Eli onto the school bus and rushed to my car, briefcase and travel mug in tow. It was a 35 minute drive to my office as long as traffic was cooperating, and I had an early morning meeting. I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel while I sang along to the radio - rocking out in my car always made the drive go by faster. I pulled into the parking lot with 5 minutes to spare before the meeting started, and hurried into the building. I was feeling harried after getting caught in traffic, but I smiled to see Vanessa walking towards the elevator. She was wearing an impeccably tailored skirt suit and an emerald-toned blouse that set off her deep brown skin. She was the CFO of the agency, and one of those women who was always effortlessly graceful and poised. She was also funny, smart, and demanded respect during board meetings. I had only worked with her for a month, and I wanted to be her when I grew up. 

“Good morning, Mary Beth! Happy Monday.” Vanessa held the elevator door open for me. I hurried in, leaned my back against the wall, and sighed heavily. Vanessa smirked at me. “Rough morning? I heard on the radio that there was a delay on the highway.”

“Yes,” I murmured with a sigh. “I was afraid I’d be late to the meeting, and you know how Andy is about his meetings starting on time.” 

Vanessa laughed softly, tossing her dark curls with a shake of her head. “No worries today, Andy can’t start the meeting without me. You’ll be right on time whenever we get there. In fact, I’m pretty sure you have exactly enough time to grab a coffee, if you want. Because my cup is too close to empty to get me through an 8:30 meeting.” 

I smiled back at her as the elevator doors opened on our floor. “See you in a few, then!” I said, giving her a small wave on my way to the conference room. I heard her heels clicking in the break room and my smile widened. I would never be able to knowingly be late to a meeting so I could get more coffee. I’d be a nervous wreck, imagining everyone tapping their toes and glaring at the clock. Vanessa never took advantage of her position - not that I’d seen, anyway - but knew that her extra responsibilities afforded her some perks. Like stopping to get coffee and being late to one of Andy’s meetings. 

I set my briefcase down and sank into a seat at the conference table. Everyone else was already there - Andy sat with his hands clasped in front of him, staring at the clock on the wall. I stifled a laugh. I’d initially wondered if he was ex-military or something, with his rigid approach to office rules, but I was beginning to think that he just really enjoyed being a manager and being able to tell people what to do. I once saw him threaten to write up one of the admin staff for keeping a footrest under her desk - he thought it “hindered productivity” and “looked like she was at home with her feet up” - before the office manager had walked by and shut him down. Andy was the Research Manager, and people around the office seemed to think he was pretty good at it. I’d have to take their word for it; my job’s focus was to keep all the technology running smoothly, and Andy and I didn’t interact apart from a few meetings here and there. 

Andy perked up when Vanessa walked in, her coffee steaming in her hand. She shot me a wink before taking her seat. The meeting was boring - like all meetings are - but apparently Andy had some results from his market research he needed to share with everyone. I zoned out, daydreaming about Friday afternoon and Eli’s excited request to go backyard camping. He wanted hotdogs, but all I cared about was the s'mores. I jerked back to reality when Sandy, the office manager, called my name. “Mary Beth?” I looked at her and nodded to let her know she had my attention. “I just wanted to let you know that we had an… issue over the weekend.” I groaned inwardly. Happy conversations never started this way. “There was a problem with a pipe on the floor above us, and we got some water damage.” I sat up straighter, alarmed. 

“Please tell me it didn’t get in the server room,” I begged.

Sandy smiled and waved her hand. “No, no. Not that.” I sighed in relief. Dripping water could do a lot of damage in a room full of absurdly expensive electronics. “It mostly caused problems in the break room and in the offices on either side. I already called a contractor to come in, and Eric and Aaliyah are going to have to be relocated for a few days. We’ll need your help setting up some temporary workstations.” 

I sighed in relief and smile. “Sounds much better than wet servers. Sure thing, Sandy.” 

Once the meeting concluded, we were all dismissed and Vanessa hung back to talk to Andy about one of his projects. I headed to my office to change into my trousers - I kept a pair of pants in my office, because sometimes my job entailed crawling under desks, and I didn’t want to do that in a skirt - and to double check that there were no problems with the servers. Having confirmed to myself that this day would not be awful, and appropriately clothed in pants, I walked towards the infiltrated offices to check their computers. On my way past the break room, I heard two familiar voices. 

“We’re gonna have to redo this wall,” I heard Paul say. “Check that the wiring hasn’t been compromised.” I poked my head in to see Sandy, Paul, and Jace talking, and Sandy taking notes. Ugh. Of course Jace is here, at my office, on my day of crawling around on the floor. Wait. Why do I care about that? “Bad Mary Beth,” I scolded myself. I tried to resume my walk quickly, so as to not draw attention to myself, but Paul had already noticed me. 

“MB!” He called out. “I thought this was where you worked.” 

There was nothing for it. I stepped inside the room. “Morning, Paul,” I said, giving him a one-armed hug. “Morning, Jace,” I said with a small smile. It was too soon for this. It was only yesterday that I was contemplating murdering Paul for his antics at dinner, and I could not handle putting any more fuel on that fire. “You are at work, Mary Beth. You are a professional,” I chanted inside my head. I turned to Sandy, who was looking at the three of us with a surprised expression. “Paul here is my brother, Sandy. You have good taste in contractors.” 

Sandy’s eyebrows shot up. “That’s right! I forgot you’re originally from around here. You’ve got to work on gettin’ rid of that accent,” she said with a wink. I nodded good naturedly. Sometimes it felt like I’d never fit in anywhere again. My seven years in Indiana had been filled with people telling me I had such a “cute” southern accent, and since I moved back all I’d heard was how much I sounded like a Yankee. You can’t please anybody. 

I felt eyes on my face, and glanced over to Jace watching me. I flashed a quick smile, knowing I had to get out of there - and away from those stupidly beautiful brown eyes - for my own sanity. “Well, you two, I know you’ll do a great job on our poor break room. I’m off to… what’d you call it, Paul? Play with wires. “ I walked out of the room with another wave, ignoring the prickles I felt between my shoulder blades, hoping against hope that I looked more put-together than I felt. 

My morning was pretty uneventful, all in all. After getting Aaliyah and Eric set up in the conference room and running through the helpdesk tickets, I sat in my office and argued with myself about lunch. I was hungry, of course, but I did not want to go to the break room and run into Jace again. Or Paul. I just felt so… fragile. Moving had helped with the grief, because we were creating new routines instead of being surrounded my memories of the old ones, but it was still there. Some days it was an uncomfortable pressure behind my breastbone, and some days it was a yawning chasm I couldn’t climb my way out of. Those days were less frequent, but they still took me by surprise and left me feeling as though nothing would ever be okay again. 

I knew if I didn’t eat, I’d get a headache and be miserable all afternoon, so after wallowing in self pity for a few more minutes I squared my shoulders and took a deep breath. “This is absurd. You are being neurotic. Go get your lunch, you ridiculous person.” After forcing my way down the hallway, I found an empty break room. I grabbed my lunch bag and scurried back to my office. I didn’t have the emotional energy to deal with coworkers, and I wanted more time to pull myself together over my hastily made PB&J. 

As soon as I plopped back into my desk chair, though, I heard my cell phone buzz. It was Paul. 

Lil’ Bro: “MB! We’re going to get lunch. Want in?”

I did not. I did not want in. 

Me: “Nope, but thanks. I am desking it. I am very busy and important.”

Lil’ Bro: “Desking it? That can’t be healthy. Get out of your office, woman.”

Me: “I like it in here. Go away.”

Lil’ Bro: “Fine. tomorrow, though.”

Me: “.... I will still be busy and important. It’s kind of a lifelong thing.”

Mouth full of peanut butter and jelly, I scrolled through my new emails with a sigh. Delores had forgotten her database password again, and the company was just small enough that “System Administrator” meant “Does practically everything related to a computer.” It varied my day, which was nice, but this was the 3rd time in the month I’d worked there that I had to help her reset her information. Maybe I’d have her break the cardinal rule and write her password down. Of course, knowing her, she’d probably put it on a post-it note on her monitor. I took another bite of my sandwich and sighed again. 

My ears registered the sound of heels clicking in the hallway a second before Vanessa appeared in my doorway. “Got a second, Mary Beth?”   
I nodded, putting my sandwich down and swallowing quickly. Vanessa took a seat in one of the chairs by my desk, crossed her ankles, and pursed her perfect lips while she thought of what to say. “I’m sorry to disturb your lunch, I know you’ve been running around all morning. Aaliyah is saying that she cannot get her work done in the conference room. There’s an empty cubicle in sales - we can put here there for a few days until this all gets sorted out.”

I was glad I hadn’t changed back into my skirt yet. “Is Eric alright in the conference room?” I asked. 

Vanessa waved her hand with a laugh. “Oh, he’s happy as a lark. Told me that now he has room to ‘air out,’ whatever that means.” 

“Okay,” I said, “I’ll get her moved right away.” I started to stand up, but she stopped me with a gesture. 

“Finish lunch first, it can wait 20 minutes.” She smiled at me and moved to leave my office. “Thanks, Mary Beth,” she said over her shoulder, “If I haven’t said it enough, we’re glad to have you here.” 

I smiled to myself and took another bite of my sandwich. A peaceful lunch break was not to be had, though, because no sooner had Vanessa left then Paul walked in. He stood in my doorway and watched Vanessa walk down the hall. He might as well have been drooling. 

“Who is that?” Paul asked, never once looking at me. 

I groaned, and heard laughter from the hallway. Paul and Jace stepped inside my office, Paul still craning his neck around my door. “That, Paul, is my boss. Vanessa, the CFO.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “I just got this job, don’t you dare ruin it for me by making some crass comment to her or trying to make her one of your conquests,” I said sternly. 

Paul finally looked at me, eyebrows raised, and a fake-hurt expression on his face. “Who, me? I can’t believe you, MB. Besides, a woman like that is all a man would ever need.” 

I rolled my eyes, then pointed my finger at him. “Don’t. You. Dare.” 

He smirked. “No promises. I can’t always keep them away, you know.” He sniffed and puffed out his chest. “It’s that old curse, the ‘Murphy Magnetism’.” 

I snorted and shook my head while Jace groaned, his hand over his face. “Mom’s not here to defend dad’s ego, and I’m certainly not going to bat for yours,” I said. Dad has been going on about the ‘family curse’, as he called it, since I was knee high to a grasshopper. Apparently, the Murphy men were granted some form of sexual hypnosis - not that my father ever used those words - that made women lose their good sense. With Paul, though, it might actually be true. In high school, he’d been 2 years below me, but all my friends were in love with him. When he was a freshman, he’d gone to the prom with a senior. I’d almost stayed home, terrified to go stag. Whatever the ‘Murphy Magnetism’ was, it definitely skipped the ladies. 

I changed the subject. “Aren’t you guys going to lunch?” 

Paul nodded. “We’re headed out now. I wanted to check to see if you wanted us to bring you anything, we’re going to that mexican place down the street.”  
“Los Tarascos,” Jace supplied helpfully. I waved my half-eaten sandwich at them, but Paul just grimaced. 

“PB&J, Mary Beth? Really? Come on. That’s like an appetizer.” Paul patted his flat stomach, as though reassuring it that he would feed it real food. 

“Our treat?” Jace offered, pointing his thumb and himself and Paul. 

I sighed, but gave them a small smile. “I appreciate it, guys. I really do. Any other day, and I’d be jumping at the chance to get away from my office for a little bit, but today is… crazy.” I frowned at my computer, where my email icon was blinking, and looked back over at them. “Rain check? You guys going to be here tomorrow?” 

Paul and Jace both nodded. Paul groaned melodramatically, probably about to give me a list of everything they had to do, before stopping himself. “Actually, that’s not such a bad thing. It’ll give me more time to meet Vanessa,” he said with a wink in my direction. 

I covered my face with my hands. “Get out, Paul. Go away. Have a good lunch. Jace?” I uncovered one eye to make sure I got his attention. He was struggling to hide a smirk, but glanced my way when he heard his name. “Talk some sense into him, yeah? Keep him away from my boss and out of my nightmares?”

I held my breath. His smirk had grown into a full-grown smile, and having that grin aimed in my direction was… heart stopping. He nodded, escorting Paul out of my office. “For you, I’ll give it my best shot,” he called over his shoulder.


End file.
